So many ladies ask me what is up with older men dating younger women. There is actually an evolutionary psychological theory surrounding this common "phenomenon." There have been many studies conducted exploring the reasons behind older men dating younger woman. One of them published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology, looked at 400 romantic ads in the Swedish newspapers Göteborgs-Posten and Aftonbladet and on the websites Spraydate and match.com.

Men in all categories prefer younger partners. Of a total of 97 men who mentioned age in their ads, only three were looking for an older partner — among men aged 40 to 59, only one out of 67.

Women I've interviewed between the ages of 40–70 largely believe men their age are not interested in dating someone their own age. Studies show older men prefer youth and beauty first for mate selection and women choose men who offer resources and stability. It's no surprise there are a number of websites emerging and profiting from these "mutually benefiting" relationships. The "successful older man" seeking "young attractive female" is common place. Let's reveal some of the reasons behind older men dating younger women.
 

1. He's having a mid-life crisis. Well this is an easy explanation. Men, who feel they've been "tied down" for far too long or what he considers a marriage of obligation, feel as if he's been cheated of his youth and his "fun years." It's as if he seeks a younger woman to replace his older model (wife) and convince himself somehow dating a younger woman will bring back his youthfulness and give him a second chance to have fun again.

A gentleman dating a younger woman is not like having a time machine. This is about the same time he spends his money more freely on extravagant man toys, replaces his wardrobe, invests in hair club for men and maybe hires a personal trainer. Some men date  younger woman to prove to themselves they haven't lost his touch.

2. He wants to have a child or more kids. I have encountered many men over 40 who admit to wanting to have more children —regardless of the fact he may have already raised a few of his own. Dating a younger woman in this case he believes is a requirement (or excuse) to decrease the odds of any birth defects or health risks to a woman on the border of her child bearing years.

If an older man hasn't had the chance to father a child, he seeks a younger woman for this specific purpose. This seems more like a fostering plan for some but some men want to carry on their legacy with children of their own. Men have biological clocks too if you didn't already know and assume older women cannot safely have children.

3. Men assume all women their age are like their ex-wife or partner. As the saying goes, "Once burnt, twice shy." Some men have this ridiculous belief women their own age are all the same. I'll share an example. If he's had a bad experience with his partner going through menopause, frankly it scares the crap out of him to think about having to go through it all over again with someone new.

Menopause seems to be a cause for many failed marriages or at least that's what some men I've talked with blame it on. If he's ever been online dating or on a few sour blind dates with a woman who's still bitter about her break up; all of a sudden he thinks they're all like that.

Younger women, who have never been in a serious relationship or "tainted" by a bad marriage seem like a great option for an older man, believing this will be a stress and drama free relationship. Unfortunately for him, his assumptions about dating a younger woman being "hassle-free" may be very, very wrong. Most relationship require work and cooperation to make it successful.

Thankfully not all older men seek younger women for a relationship. When you consider what makes a successful long-term, healthy relationship last, age is just one consideration in a number of relationship factors to consider.

Be sure to download your free eBook "The Ultimate A-Z guide to Attracting and Keeping Your Soulmate" if you're looking for love.

They believe that cohabiting or getting married is just a way to find someone who can help you when you need help.

That’s just sad.

How can you ever find true love or experience the bliss of romance if you don’t even believe it exists?

Love does exist. And it’s a beautiful thing.

Falling in love can feel like a beautiful fairytale if you just know how to experience it.

How to fall in love the right way

If you know how to fall in love with someone and enjoy every moment of it, you’ll be able to experience it and cherish it better than many others who think love is just an excuse for sex or a way to lean on someone else.

It doesn’t matter if you’re already in love or falling in love with someone right this moment, just use these 18 tips on how to fall in love like you’re in a fairytale, and guess what, you will fall into a perfect one!

#1 Stretch the wooing period. Both of you may like each other a lot already. But don’t ask each other out too soon. Stretch the wooing for as long as both of you possibly can. The longer you play the chase, the more deeper and truer your love will be. Just enjoy the dating period for a while and both of you will truly value the relationship and the commitment to each other. 

#2 Fall in love with each other even before popping the question. As humans, we only enjoy something and value it when we’ve worked hard to achieve it. Even if there’s a lot of love in the air, let the confusion stay for a while. Linger for a few months, maybe even six months before both of you give your relationship a name.

By doing this, you’ll always remember your wooing and pursuing days forever and treasure every step you took before actually committing to each other. And if your partner couldn’t wait even a few months, could they really be satisfied with you for the rest of your life? 

#3 Don’t have sex for as long as you can hold it. Call me old fashioned, but in these days of fast love, all of us are ever ready to take a plunge into sex as soon as we possibly can. It’s not a bad thing, but at times, prolonging it can actually bring both of you closer without the confusion of sex and lust which can create a strong infatuation that can be confused with love.

#4 Go out of your way to please each other. Fairytales have a lot of evil plots. You really don’t need them in your life. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out of your way to do something special for your lover. At least in the first few months of love, put in your effort and labor of love to prove your love for this special person. 

#5 Always look good on a date. Fairytale romances always look so beautiful. The setting is always perfect. The lovers look pretty and the dates look like, well, fairytales. If you really want to experience falling in love like a fairytale, learn to look good for each other. Awe your date each time with your beauty and grace, and both of you will create a picture perfect romance. 

#6 Don’t spend too much time meeting each other at the beginning. Unless you’re living together already, don’t crowd each other’s spaces. Give space to miss each other and fall more in love all the time. Sometimes, it takes missing each other to fall more in love with each other. You can meet each other every day if you want to, but don’t spend all your free time together. Learn to miss your lover and your love will bloom like never before.

#7 Be the perfect lady and gentleman for each other. Boring lovers say chivalry is dead. But true lovers know it’s actually the only way to show much you care about each other. Treat each other like knights and damsels when you’re with each other. Respect each other and always look for ways to make something easier for each other.

#8 Keep the chase alive after getting into the relationship. Don’t be easy to get. Compromise, but don’t be a doormat. As much as falling in love should be about giving in to each other’s wants, it’s not about putting up with each other. Never lose respect for each other and learn to play hard to get when your partner disrespects you or takes you for granted.

#9 Stay in touch. Old fairytales are filled with love letters and thoughtful souvenirs of love. You don’t have to be with each other all the time, but keep each other updated through little texts and happy surprises. Buy little gifts when you go shopping by yourself, or when you see something your partner may like. Take off on weekend getaways or vacations now and then to keep the connection alive. 

#10 Create new experiences all the time. Love is impatient, just like youth. You’d want to experience everything it has to offer immediately. But if you genuinely think you like someone, don’t rush into it. Plan activities with your partner but keep a few experiences in mind for later too. Love, just like everything else in life, has to be fuelled constantly with new experiences.

#11 Make an effort to stay loyal. I admit, it’s not easy to stay loyal when there are so many good looking people and flirty banter all around us. But ask yourself, is a few minutes of orgasms worth breaking the special bond you have with your lover? 

#12 Communicate with each other. Spend a lot of time talking to each other and learn about each other’s wants and desires in all aspects of your lives if you want to fall in love like a fairytale. 

#13 Always end an argument. You don’t have to fear arguments in a relationship. Fairytales have them too. But what matters when you have an argument is the way you end it. Never walk away from an argument and shut the door on your partner. Even if it hurts like crazy, talk about it and always end the argument with a warm hug and a kiss, even if you’re clenching your fists behind your partner’s back.

#14 Don’t ignore sex once you get intimate. Yes, seeing the same bodies are bound to get rather boring after a while. But good sex is very important if you want to keep love alive in your relationship. Look for ways to recreate the passion of first time sex and you’re relationship will be perfect. 

#15 Special gestures. Falling in love is easy when there’s attraction and infatuation in the air. Staying in love needs a few reminders now and then. Don’t overlook the smallest of gestures if you think it’ll bring a smile on your lover’s lips. 

#16 Make long term plans. Talk about your lives together with each other. Make little plans together for the future. Can you imagine waking up every morning with no purpose or direction? Your life would be rather dull and boring, don’t you think? If you want to fall in love and stay in love, you need to give meaning and a purpose to your relationship by creating little milestones and goals to keep the excitement and passion alive. 

#17 Always look at the bright side. Be happy and cheerful in your everyday lives. People who dwell on sadness and pain have a way of attracting it in their daily lives. If you want your love life to feel like a fairytale, be positive in your thoughts and expectations from the relationship. If you fear your relationship is going downward, in all probability, it will.

#18 Create memories and save them. If you want to know how to fall in love and keep the love alive, never let love get repetitive or stagnant. Don’t ever take each other for granted either. Instead, share new activities together, be it gardening or going on a trek. And always take photographs or make home videos together. Special memories of everyday moments can actually help both of you fall more in love with each other each time you watch those photographs or videos again.

Don’t lose faith in love. Your dreams of perfect love is in your own hands. Understand how to fall in love and stay in love the right way, and your fairytale romance will definitely have a happily ever after.

Most of us don’t pay too much attention to a first date.

To many, it’s just a casual meeting to find out if we’re compatible with this other person who seems interested in knowing us better.

But if you think about it, a perfect first date is a potential turning point in your life.

Not to put any pressure on you, but on every first date you go to, there’s a good chance that you may meet the person you could end up spending the rest of your life with.

How to know if your date likes you on your first date

If you’re the patient one who doesn’t mind waiting a couple of days to find out if your date likes you, all you need to do is wait for your date to call you *or you call them* and see if there’s a potential second date in sight.

But if you’re the eager beaver who wants to know whether your date’s impressed while you’re still on the date, read on.

Signs your date likes you

Have you ever been on a date recently where you thought the first date was going perfect? You probably felt the chemistry and the romance, and you just knew that the person with you liked you just as much as you like them. Heck, you may even be slowly and dreamily falling in love, while expectantly waiting for their next call or text.

Sometimes, you may think a first date’s all fine and dandy, while your date, on the other hand, may be clawing their nails under their seat and waiting desperately for the evening to end.

It’s easy to feel lost in translation when you’re on a first date, because both of you are obviously trying to be nice to each other, and no one’s going to reveal their true feelings unless the feelings are on the extreme side of lust or disgust.

But if you can be just a wee bit more observant, you’d be able to decode if your date’s falling for you or fleeing away from you in no time.

18 signs your date likes you on the first date

Here are a few signs that can help you find out if your date is interested in you or warming up to you. And once you see these signs, all you need to do is reciprocate back, impress them some more and wait for the happy feelings to overflow.

#1 The sitting posture. If your date likes you and is having a fun time on the date, they’d have a hard time staying away from you. While talking, is your date leaning towards you most of the time during the date? Then they’re really excited to be with you. Additionally, if your date sits back in a relaxed posture while staring into your eyes between all the leaning-across-the-table, it means they’re really comfortable around you and rather like you.

#2 The unrestrainable smile. A person who’s smitten by you or is infatuated by your presence can’t help but break into a warm smile for no reason at all during the date. You’d notice this more often when you’re saying something and your date’s listening to you with a giddy smile plastered across their face.

#3 Deep stares. Your date stares deeply into your eyes while talking to you. And at times, even makes you feel rather uncomfortable and awkward. This is a subconscious move where your date wants to get closer to you, and longingly stares at you because they just can’t get any closer without the risk of coming across as a perv.

#4 Laughter and blushes. Does your date laugh at the smallest of jokes you make? Or do they blush easily when you compliment them? Blushing and laughter are subconscious flirting moves that is very hard to hide when you’re in the presence of someone you have a crush on.

#5 Opening up. If your date enjoys your company, they’d have a hard time shutting up during the date. When two people like each other, it’s either awkward smiles and blushes *at the beginning* or incessant chatter.

#6 Stretching the date. Does your date look for ways to stretch the date, either by finishing their dessert really slowly, by ordering coffee after dessert or by continuing the conversation even after the bill’s all paid and the table cleared? These are sure signs that reveal that this person doesn’t want the date to end. In all probability, your date may even suggest a walk or another place to hang out after the date.

#7 The teasing game. As the date progresses, does your date start asking you personal questions or do they pull your leg and tease you often? No one makes the effort to tease their date playfully on a first date unless they’re trying to win them over with humor.

#8 Self conscious sexiness. Does your date wet their lips discreetly often while glancing at your face or your lips? When you’re flirting with someone you’re sexually attracted to, you can’t help but feel self conscious about your own body parts. You may even feel the need to look down your own blouse now and then or stand up straighter, because you’d be very aware of your own body, especially where your date’s eyes linger.

#9 The copycat. If the cutie you’re with starts to fall for you on the date, they’d subconsciously start copying your behavior. You lean, and they’d lean. You talk softly, and they’d start whispering too. It’s like both your bodies are bound by invisible strings, but in reality, it’s a subconscious effort on your date’s part to relate to you better and feel more connected to you.

#10 The next date. If you like someone, you can’t wait to see them again. If your date asks you when they can see you again, or says something along the lines of “…I can’t wait to see you again…” or hints about the next time both of you can talk even before the date is over, your date is probably falling for you already.

#11 The touchy flirting. Can you keep your hands off a sexy someone when you’re cozying up with them? Well, neither can your date! If your date is sexually attracted to you, they won’t be able to keep their hands off you while making a point or complimenting you. They’d use any excuse to touch you, be it your watch, your earrings, or your soft skin. 

#12 You are their world. A good sign to judge how much your date likes you is by noticing how much attention they pay to you. Have you ever noticed a newly hitched couple in a restaurant? They can’t keep their eyes off each other, irrespective of who’s around. Do you see that look in your date’s eyes?

#13 Exciting similarities. During the date conversation, does your date get overly excited when both of you share similar interests? They’re obviously very happy to know that both of you like the same thing, be it movies, concerts or hobbies, and are probably looking forward to sharing the activity some time with you. 

#14 So far so good. Does your date tell you they’re having a nice time even when you don’t ask them about it? Your date is probably enjoying the date so much they can’t wait to share the information with you *of course, this could just be a conversation filler too, so keep an eye on the other signs*.

#15 The comfort zone. Does your date sit really close to you as the date progresses, or do they walk really close to you almost as if both of you are attached at the hip after the date? All of us have a comfort space around us and if someone we dislike enters the space, it makes us very uncomfortable. On the other hand, if someone we like a lot enters our personal comfort space, we enjoy the feeling.

#16 The drive home. Does your date offer to drive you home *or do they accept to get driven home*? If your date doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to see you again, there’s no way they would show you where they live just in case you turn out to be a psycho stalker. If you find yourself driving back home together after the date, it’s a good chance that your date likes you and would like to see you again sometime soon.

#17 The lingering moments. While saying goodbye after the date, watch your date’s expression and body language. While hugging or kissing you goodbye, do they linger just a second longer, and do they move away from the hug slower than necessary?

If your date holds your hand softly and takes their time letting go of you, or if they dilly dally around even after saying goodbye, your date probably wants to do more than just say goodbye. 

#18 The last goodbye. Does your date look back at you more than once while walking away or driving away? If they do, they probably don’t even want to say goodbye to you just yet. If your date glances back at you and smiles *blushes sheepishly* as they move away, they’re smitten by you, more with each passing goodbye glance. 

How many of these signs do you see in your most recent first date? Individually, these signs could be accidental at times, but if you experienced quite a few of these 18 signs, your date surely likes you and may definitely want to see you again sometime very soon!

When you think a relationship should be a certain way, and yours isn’t, frustration sets in. And “frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship,” Orbuch said, and “it’s directly tied to these myths.”

That’s why it’s so critical to bust the below misconceptions. So without further ado, here are eight myths about relationships that might surprise you.

1. Myth: A good relationship means that you don’t have to work at it.

Fact: “The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work,” said Lisa Blum, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena and Los Angeles, who specializes in emotionally-focused therapy with couples. She believes that our culture, education system and parenting styles don’t prepare us for the fact that even good relationships take effort.

She likened a healthy relationship to a good garden. “It’s a beautiful thing but you wouldn’t expect it to thrive without a whole lot of labor and TLC.”

But how do you know if you’re working too hard on a relationship? One sign, according to Blum, is if you’re feeling unhappy more than you’re happy. In other words, are you spending more time tending to the relationship and keeping it afloat than enjoying it?

This unhappiness becomes less of a rough patch, and more like the “normal state of affairs,” she said.

Another bad sign is if you’re trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don’t see the same level of effort on your partner’s part. “There has to be some sense of ‘we’re trying really hard, both making changes and that’s making a difference.’”

On the flip side, if both of you are trying and you can see positive changes being made at least some of the time, then that’s a good sign, Blum said.

2. Myth: If partners really love each other, they know each other’s needs and feelings.

Fact: “It’s a setup to expect your partner to be able to read your mind,” Blum said — because when you anticipate that your partner will know your wants, that’s essentially what you’re doing. We develop this expectation as kids, she said. But “as adults, we’re always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs.”

And once you’ve communicated your needs and feelings, “a better measure of the quality of your relationship” is whether your partner actually listens to your words.

3. Myth: “If you’re truly in love, passion will never fade,” Orbuch said.

Fact: Thanks to movies and romantic novels, we assume that if we genuinely love someone, “the passion, urging and loving” never go away. And if they do disappear, then “it must not be the right relationship” or “our relationship [must be] in trouble,” Orbuch said. However, passion naturally diminishes in all relationships.

Daily routines are one of the culprits, Blum said. As their responsibilities grow and roles expand, couples have less and less time and energy for each other.

But this doesn’t mean that the passion is gone for good. With a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion. Blum sees many relationships where passion is alive and well. “Passionate sex is a byproduct of sustained emotional intimacy along with a continuing sense of adventure and exploration and sense of playfulness.” Orbuch also has emphasized the importance of couples doing new things to perk up their relationships.

And when it comes to passion-squashing routines, Blum suggested couples ask themselves: “How do we tame our lives sufficiently that we can make time for each other and have energy left for each other?”

4. Myth: “Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage,” Orbuch said.

Fact: Studies have shown that relationship happiness actually decreases with every child, she said. This doesn’t mean that you start loving each other less or that you won’t bond at all over your child, Orbuch said. But the mounting challenges can complicate relationships.

Having realistic expectations helps couples prepare themselves for their new roles, she said. When you think that a child will improve your relationship, it only adds to the complications.

As Orbuch said, “should statements don’t allow you to see what the other person is doing to strengthen and manage the relationship” and these expectations “cloud your judgment. She recommended planning ahead and talking about the changes that will occur when you have your first child or more kids.

5. Myth: “Jealousy is a sign of true love and caring,” Orbuch said.

Fact: Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship (or the lack thereof), she said. Take the following example: If you have a jealous partner, you might try to show them how much you care so they don’t get jealous. But you soon realize that any amount of caring isn’t a cure for their jealous reactions.

While you can be supportive, according to Orbuch, your partner must work on their insecurity issues on their own. “No matter what you do, you can’t make your partner feel more secure” or “change their self-confidence.”

Trying to make your partner jealous also can backfire. While men andwomen are just as likely to experience jealousy, their reactions differ. Men either get very defensive or angry, believing that the relationship isn’t worth it, Orbuch said. Women, on the other hand, respond by trying to improve the relationship or themselves.

6. Myth: Fights ruin relationships.

Fact: In actuality, what ruins relationships is not resolving your fights, Blum said. “Fights can be really healthy, and an important form of communication and clearing the air.”

Also, the type of fight a couple has plays a role. Not surprisingly, nasty, scornful or condescending fights that leave couples resolution-less and not talking for days damage the relationship. Productive conflicts that help the relationship end with “some mutual decision about how to manage this disagreement,” Blum said.

(Here’s help on improving your communication and becoming a better listen and speaker.)

7. Myth: In order for the relationship to be successful, the other partner must change.

Fact: Many times we’re very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how we can become better partners. Instead, we demand that our partners make such and such changes.

Unless, there are extreme circumstances like abuse or chronic infidelity, Blum said, it takes two to make changes.

But even more than that, it’s up to you to figure out what you can do. While this seems “simple and obvious,” 100 percent of the couples Blum sees point the finger.

“It’s a profound mental shift to look at what can I do [and] what changes can I make.”

8. Myth: “Couples therapy means your relationship is really in trouble,” Blum said.

Fact: By the time couples seek therapy, this may be true, but changing this mindset is key. Most couples seek therapy “when they’ve been suffering for a really long time,” Blum said. “What elements were good in the relationship are destroyed.”

Instead, Blum suggested that people view couples therapy as preventative. This way, a couple comes in when they’ve been stuck on one or two conflicts for a few months, “not five or six over the last 10 years.”