When we fall in love, we can't wait to get in bed with our man, right? Why does that drop off?
This is chapter 8 in the novel about Grace learning about sex in the bedroom and in the classroom. Here she interviews women about their lack of interest, and explores what might be going on with their men that contributes. Read the rest of the Transformational Fiction novel, Bring Love and Sex Together, on Kindle.
I went to my psych teacher who helped with my new ideas about people and sex. I told her that I wanted to interview women about how their men introduce sex, and then write a paper. I wondered why women seemed to adore sex early on in a relationship, and then find themselves less interested as time went on. People assume that it is something about women and sex, but I suspected it had to do with the relationship, too. I mean, really, sex feels good. So why would someone lose interest? My teacher agreed to give me independent study credit for it.
This was exciting. I had an idea about non-spoken communication of sexual disinterest that I hadn’t found written anywhere. I put a note on a board, and asked teachers to announce what I was looking for.
Amazingly I quickly found twenty five interested women. This would be a real pilot study. I arranged for a room in our building to hold all of us where we could speak privately.
Talking with a lot of women was amazing. All were older than I was by a few years, and all had been in sexual relationships for a lot longer. I saw a common element right away. In all relationships the amount of sex wanted differed between the partners. In twenty one the man wanted more, and in four the women did. Now of course my sample was biased because they choose to come for the interview. Maybe those with great sex didn’t volunteer. But maybe they would. I would have to ask for people with great sex next.
The stories were highly varied, but with the one similarity; conflict over sex. It was usually never spoken. The man didn’t sit her down and say, you have to do it more often, or you have to blow me, but somehow she got the picture. The touches with a sigh as if he felt victimized by her lack of interest. Or pushing her head toward his penis with an attitude of knowing she didn’t want to but he wanted her to do it anyway. Or pleading for it, like a child who needs a hug, instead of a man who wants to make love.
The ways their men implied they weren’t getting enough had the opposite effect of what they said they wanted. Was this accidental? Did they just have bad form? Were they not romantic? Or was there a missing piece of information here.
The four women seemed to lust for sex, and wanted their partners to watch porn and have sex at least every day. I wondered if they were sex addicts, which would throw off my shame theory. Some other time I would have to study shame and the sexually addicted. Perhaps the addiction to sex overrides shame. Maybe the same way addiction to food overrides eating late at night with the shame showing up the next morning.
ARTICLE BY:--
Anne Stirling HastingAnne Stirling Hastings
Psychologist
Anne Stirling Hasting, Ph.D. Go to my website for free short stories and healing novels for sale. Explore continuing education on Working With Clients' Sexual Issues. Please check out my book, Reclaiming Healthy Sexual Energy: Revised to learn how to heal sexuality. Then Healing Humanity to understand shaming, and how to stop taking it on. Create New Love puts it all together to prepare you for your next relationship. Kindle loans Dirty Sex or Clean Sex, a novel, and it's companion, Bring Love and Sex Together The Value of Healing Sexual Shame. Check out Video Conferencing therapy groups for Men's Sexuality, and Avoidant Attachment.
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