Women prefer chocolate over sex, a survey suggests. We go through the holiday season so snack-addled and secretly guilty it's a wonder anyone manages to mate at all, writes Dr Brooke Magnanti.
According to a Cancer Research UK survey, one in five women would give up sex before they gave up chocolate. A somewhat smaller number, 9pc, would make sex their 'last indulgence' on the apocryphal desert island. Surely we've been playing this game for years already, though, and call it Valentine's Day?
Times have certainly changed. Back when I was young chocolate cakes had to advertise themselves as "Better than sex" to get attention; now it's vibrators claiming to be "Better than chocolate." It makes me feel a bit sad to think chocolate is now le dernier cri in pleasureable indulgences.
I like chocolate well enough, don't get me wrong, but we are hurtling rapidly into the worst part of the year for anyone with taste buds that want a bit of variety. The run-up to Christmas, then New Year, then Valentine's, Easter … and drop in Mother's Day too, if you've been sprogged – is a virtual non-stop parade of festively wrapped cacao. 20pc of us wouldn't give up chocolate?
Hurrah, thanks to the endless spread of party food for several consecutive months (to be followed by shock 'get in that swimsuit in three weeks you lardy glutton' messages from April to September) we will never have to.
Frankly we all go through the holidays so snack-addled and secretly guilty it's a wonder anyone manages to mate at all. Between chocolate advent calendars and the obligatory office break room Quality Street to rolling on a pair of Spanx before a party, who has the time?
I actually gave some serious (ish) scientific thought to the question of women and chocolate back when I was working in health research. You know how dogs can't eat chocolate because they can't handle the caffeine-like theobromine? Well, what if sex-specific preferences in chocolate were somehow related to tolerance of this?
Trust me, when one research grant is wrapping up and you're casting around for funding, all kinds of silly ideas come into your head. Especially when you're short on chocolate.
More likely, though, we love chocolate because it's all part of a treats/denial cycle that is promoted heavily in our culture. Tired? Have a chocolate! Lonely? Chocolate! Overworked? Go on, you deserve it! Just alternate with a diet of low-cal cardboard biscuits and Slim-a-soup for the rest of the year and you'll be fine, dear.
So while it may not be on your to-do list this yule, do try to find the time for some festive sexytime with the one(s) you love. According to my calculations thirty minutes of sex burns about as many calories as jogging one mile, you never had to dig out a pair of trainers and negotiate the ice sheet at the bottom of the drive, and you can even eat chocolate while you're doing it. Go on, treat yourself.
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